(Scene: Oct. 12, 1492. The east coast of the land now called America, at the hour now called quarter to ten.)
COLUMBUS: Why, look, it seems I have discovered… India!
NATIVE AMERICAN 1: America, actually.
NATIVE AMERICAN 2: Central America, to be precise.
NATIVE AMERICAN 3: Is that your boat? Sweet.
COLUMBUS: And you must be the Indians.
NATIVE AMERICAN 1: Native Americans, please.
COLUMBUS: Silence, Indians! Don’t make me use my cannon on you.
NATIVE AMERICAN 2: What is this word you have spoke, “cannon”?
COLUMBUS: It is a mighty weapon, and I will use it to steal your land!
NATIVE AMERICAN 3: What is this word you have spoke, “weapon”?
NATIVE AMERICAN 4: And that other one, “steal”? Please, we have no knowledge of these things.
COLUMBUS: Look, it’s a, a weapon, you know. A thing-you-hurt-or-kill-people-with?
NATIVE AMERICAN 1: What is this word you have spoke, “hurt”?
NATIVE AMERICAN 2: And what is the meaning of “kill”? We have no knowledge of these matters.
COLUMBUS: Oh, for the love of…
NATIVE AMERICAN 4: And I’m still wondering about “steal,” when you get a chance.
COLUMBUS: Steal? It means I am taking land, which you own, without your permission.
NATIVE AMERICAN 2: Where are you going to take it?
NATIVE AMERICAN 1: How can land belong to men? No, stranger, we own no land.
COLUMBUS: Good, so you won’t mind me building great Eurocentric cities all over it then.
NATIVE AMERICAN 3: Doesn’t sound like sustainable development to me. Why don’t you…
COLUMBUS: Right! I warned you. (Fires cannon.)
NATIVE AMERICAN 2: He has made thunder come from his steal!
NATIVE AMERICAN 4: No, I think that was the weapon.
(UPDATE: I republished this piece in 2006, with illustrations!)
Since my IQ currently is too low to do much more than breathe from my mouth and discern light from dark areas I’ll let this guy add my wit.
I don’t feel like writing anything today…
…but at the same time I’m terrified that if I stop tap-dancing for even a day, my traffic will plummet and people will be even less likely to buy a Blogad. So I’ll just run some of your letters to me and call that a post. Is that okay with you? I’m s…
Interesting. Funny how the socialist (re)education centers have convinced everyone that indigenous peoples have no words or even concepts of war, conflict, weapons, etc. Guess Cain and Abel were just way ahead of the curve.