In the latest venereal scandal to rock the world of news reportage, charges and counter-charges are flying like volleys of flying charges between Fox News personality Bill O’Reilly and Fox News associate producer Andrea Mackris.
Mackris charges O’Reilly with frightening onanistic impropriety. On page 507 of her sexual harassment complaint, she complains:
1068. On or about April 1, 2003, at 4:21 p.m., Defendant held up a great big yellow motorized device of some sort, displaying it to Plaintiff. Defendant asked Plaintiff, “Ever used one of these, honey? I always like to hold one about yay high, during my show.” Plaintiff felt trapped, frightened, and repulsed.
1069. When Plaintiff inquired as to the nature of the yellow thingamajig, believing it to be work-related, Defendant described it as a “dealy with a hose,” and laughed in a lecherous manner, kind of a “hee hee hurr-hurr hwaa hwaaa haaaaa” with overtones of a “hmmm hmmmm hmmm.” Plaintiff felt trapped, frightened, and repulsed.
1070. Plaintiff then asked Defendant out to dinner. No, wait, we got them mixed up. It was Defendant who asked Plaintiff out to dinner. Hard to keep them straight sometimes, sorry. Anyway, Plaintiff accepted, believing it to be work-related, but felt trapped, frightened, and repulsed.
Fox News, meanwhile, is leveling charges of extortion at Mackris, and at her legal counsel, Trapped, Frightened & Repulsed, L.L.C.
In addition to blog.gleeson.us, other respected news sources covering this scandal are Wizbang, PoliBlog, Digger’s Realm, Alarming News, Rooftop Report, and Little Green Footballs. Some others aren’t.
UPDATE: Andrea should’ve had one of these.
Doesn’t Andrea Mackris look like Queen Amidala from Star Wars?
Egad! You’re right. But that means, Bill O’Reilly is Luke’s father! Nooooooooooooooooooo…!
Sean,
The best I’ve read in a while….Keep up the good work!
“Trapped, Frightened, and Repulsed.” Oh, that is, indeed, very rich! At 33 years old, she is much too young to hear jokes or innuendo about sex. By the angry look on her face, I would conclude the subject to be foreign to her. Perhaps all she really needs is to simply get ……….. [participle deleted by Gleeson].
I know that the Evangelical Right, who the Republicans count on for their votes, will completely understand that Bill O’Reily, a married man with children, was tricked by that woman into confessing about affairs and masterbating on Tape! I dosen’t matter if she wins or loses the money-Bill is done!
Shut up!
Dave
Uh-oh. Will somebody in New Orleans please see to Dave? Yep, he’s screaming “shut up” at them voices again.