Gil’s baptism went very well, and we had a delightful dinner afterwards. Thanks to everyone who came, and to everyone who couldn’t come, but would’ve. I shall post more details, and photos, tomorrow.

Today, John Kerry is widely known as the war hero gentleman senator from Massachusetts, and as the Democratic nominee for the presidency. His achievements have already ensured that future history books will forever include his name, preferably as a footnote. But he will also be remembered for his legendary humor. Time and again, the irrespressible Bostonian has afforded glimpses into the mind of one of the world’s great wits, as these anecdotes attest.

SLIPPERY SLOPE
Skiing in Idaho, Kerry accidentally collided with a Secret Service agent who had been assigned to protect him. Noting the irony of the situation, the sportsman senator quipped to onlookers, “That lousy son of a b—- mother f—– tripped me! A–hole!” Then, as the agent tried to apologize, the agile candidate clubbed him with his ski poles, breaking the hapless man’s jaw.

NAM DE GUERRE
While serving in the navy during the Vietnam War, Kerry was asked by his commanding officer to give his assessment of the Viet Cong, as fighters. “I don’t know, sir,” retorted the young lieutenant, and then added with a wry grin, “I really haven’t been here very long, and haven’t seen much fighting.”

CHEMICAL WARFARE
With the war in Vietnam still raging, Kerry traveled to Paris to meet with the representatives of the communist forces. At one session, Madam Binh said to him, “If you were my husband, I’d poison your drink.” Not missing a beat, the rakish future senator leaned to one side, and passed gas. “Oops, excuse me,” he quipped.

NAKED LUNCH
After showering, Kerry realized he had forgotten to bring a towel, and walked through the house utterly unclothed to get one. Unknowingly, the denuded senator walked into the parlor where his wife was holding a lunch party. As he stood, dripping wet, flabby, and naked, in front of half a dozen shocked Boston socialites, Kerry defused a potentially embarrassing moment when he quipped to the ladies, “Dick Cheney’s daughter is a lesbian.”

ARTISTIC LICENSE
Kerry, an avid art lover, was touring a museum with a delegation of Chinese communists. When the group approached a particularly erotic work depicting a beautiful woman, one of the foreigners exclaimed, “Senator, in our country, an artist who painted such a thing would be whipped.” Arching his brow, Kerry asked, “What did you just say?” The Chinese official replied, “Do my remarks startle you?” The Massachusetts liberal only smiled and said, “Huh? Sure is noisy in here. And your accent is pretty thick, which doesn’t help. Sorry.”

PARTY FAVOR
At a posh Washington fundraiser he was attending, despite not being even a little bit Irish, Kerry found himself overserved. Turning to the woman next to him, he barked, “You are ugly.” The woman, offended, shouted back, “You are drunk!” Cradling his head in his hands, the witty politician retorted, “Why, oh, why, did I ever marry you?” Then, without another word, he left abruptly.

(I should thank Bill, Lorie, Jay, Hindrocket, and Jim, for having high-traffic websites with trackbacks enabled.)