Wednesday, I made blogging history by endorsing candidates on every ballot throughout the country. Today, I stake out my official position on Oklahoma State Question 712. My position on this referendum, which would allow existing gambling emporia (casinos and racetracks) to offer more sorts of games to their clientele, is as follows: Yes.

Now let’s talk about the Gambling Mouse cartoon, an hilarious 30-second television ad preaching against not only Question 712, but also Questions 705 and 706, which would establish a state lottery in Oklahoma.

It opens with a cheery nighttime scene of a happy Protestant mouse waving to his friendly minister, standing at the entrance to the mousehole church. You can tell it’s a church, because it’s got a cross-shaped bit nibbled out of the brick wall. Also, a sign by the hole reads “Sunday Service 10:00AM.” Reverend Mousejoy, wearing a black shirt with a huge white cross on the chest, is standing by the door in the dead of night, ready to greet his flock, due to arrive in just six to eight hours.

Uh-oh. Just across the alley is an open-air casino, operated by a cat the color of bread mold. The cat wears glasses and a suit, and we learn from his name tag that his name is Bradley. (Hey, the governor’s name is Bradley, too. And he wears glasses. And a suit!) “Heeeyyyyy,” Brad’s sultry tempting voice oozes at the naive rodent. “Come play da lottoooo. Winna piece o’cheeeeeeese.”

At the mere mention of ‘cheeeeeeese,’ our nameless hero swoons, “ooooOOOOooooo!” His pupils turn to images of Swiss cheese as he gawps at Bradley’s gaming devices, all of which are inexpertly modified mousetraps. You can see the telltale coiled springs, and the stenciled words “MOUSETRAP, PATENT PENDING.” But our mouse can’t see that, because his irises are obscured by those cheese cartoons.

Bradley continues his slick pitch: “Pull de arm on de one-arm bandit.” He brandishes an unlit cigar in his right hand, mainly to demonstrate that he may be evil. “It might be immoral,” he taunts, narrowing his green eyes to mere slits, “but it’s smart.”

The preacher mouse, mere inches away, watches helplessly. He clearly wants to save his doomed brother from his imminent death. But alas, he cannot budge from his post by the churchhole. All he can do is squeak an unheeded warning: “No, no, run! It’s a lie!” He also waves his little fists back and forth like an angry little girl.

This sage advice is not taken to heart by our protagonist. The fateful lever is yanked. The fateful reels spin, fatefully. Will our foolish gambling mouse be cruelly destroyed by the nefarious device? Well, will he?

Yep. Cut to the pastor’s horrified reaction. “Eeeeeeeeee,” he shrieks, as we hear the harrowing snap! of the lethal spring. Or if you failed to hear it, there is also the big lettering now on the screen, reading as follows: “SNAP!”

An announcer gravely delivers the post-mortem. (Or is it the post-murem? Heh.) “Don’t buy the lie Oklahoma. Protect our kids from gambling. Vote NO on 705, 706, & 712.” Protect our kids from gambling? So this mouse wasn’t even an adult? Sure enough, now there’s a photo of a seven-year-old girl on the screen. A human girl, not a mouse girl. That drives the message home, yes? The funny mouse cartoon, as it turns out, was an allegory. If any one of these referenda passes, this very real little girl will contract cheese glaucoma, and be eaten by the governor.

Continuing the cheesy allegory, Bradley (the cat, not the governor) slurps up a mouse tail like spaghetti, as the announcer informs us what kind of government he wants: “Paid for by Oklahomans for Good Government.” The good kind, that’s what kind.

Oklahomans for God Government (oops, I mean Good Government, sorry), is an ad hoc group fronting for the Baptist General Convention of Oklahoma. I really want to thank them for making the cartoon. I’ve lived a few decades, and seen a good many cartoons, but this is the first one I’ve seen where the cat finally gets the danged mouse. Good job, guys.

And thanks to Wild Bill, too. And if you’re wondering whether McCarty has an opinion, you can stop wondering.