Idaville was a normal American town, except for two odd details which made it different from any other American town. First, it wasn’t located in any particular state. Second, it boasted among its otherwise colorless citizenry The Greatest Boy Detective in the Universe, Encyclopedia Brown.
His real name was Leroy, but everyone called him “The Greatest Boy Detective in the Universe Encyclopedia Brown,” because otherwise he would not answer them. He would instead pretend not to hear them, and make “la! la! la!” noises while covering his ears with his hands. He was smart, but weird, like Alan Keyes.
After school and on weekends, Encyclopedia ran a detective agency out of his dad’s garage with Sally Kimball, the prettiest girl in Idaville, and the toughest too, with firm, toned thighs, and the legs of a gazelle. At least, they said they were running a detective agency, and their sign affixed to the garage door read:
One Wednesday afternoon, the two sleuths heard a knock. After only a few moments, they opened the door to reveal two old men in navy blue suits. One of them, bald with thick spectacles, asked, “Are you Encyclopedia Brown? We need you to solve The Case of the Misbegotten Memos.”
“I recognize you,” said Encyclopedia. “You’re Dick Thornburgh, former Governor of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania and Attorney General of the United States! You’re as seasoned as a Cajun crawdaddy on garlic toast!”
“That’s correct,” answered Mr. Thornburgh. “And I see that you are aware that Pennsylvania is one of the four U.S. states that officially calls itself a commonwealth. Now I know we’re hiring the right detective. You’re as bright as a lighthouse in a supernova.” He carefully inserted a check for 25 cents into the elastic waistband of Sally’s bicycle pants.
Encyclopedia nodded. “The others are Kentucky, Massachusetts, and Virginia,” he replied.
“And you,” said Sally to the other man, “you’re Sid Caesar, Emmy-winning comic actor and writer, best known as the leading man on the 1950s television sketch comedy series Your Show of Shows!”
“Actually, no, I’m Louis Boccardi,” said Louis Boccardi, “former head of the Associated Press. I get that a lot.” Mr. Boccardi reached into the briefcase he was carrying, pulled out a few sheets of paper, and handed them to Encyclopedia. “What do you make of these? We are, um, unable to authenticate them at this time.”
(Continued on page 2)
Hilarious! I found the link off LGF, and I would comment there, but I’m new to the site and registration is currently closed…alas…
But as a former EB junkie, and now a political junkie, I absolutely cracked up. Great job!
The 10 Spot - Mile High Edition
I’m five miles high on the way to Sin City with several hours to sift through my mountainous inbox to pick out ten things people have sent me that you might not have seen on the wondrous interweb…Today is the…
Oh. My. God.
Dead-on PERFECT take-off on Encyclopedia Brown, right down to the primitive line-art illustrations and Bugs Meany NOT being behind the badness.
I do feel a little icky about the quarter in Sally’s bicycle pants, however…
I’m gonna have to re-do my voting on the Best Of poll tonight.
I doff my hat to you, sir. I am not worthy.
J.
Indeed
heh
Suggested Reading
Tickle your deductive itch with Encyclopedia Brown’s The Case of the Misbegotten Memos.
From Gleeson, of course.
Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Misbegotten Memos
When I was a kid, I was a huge fan of Encyclopedia Brown. Not as much so as I was a fan of the McGurk books, though. Those were classics. I still remember the scene where the McGurk agency convinced
Encyclopedia Brown and “The Case of the Misbegotten Memos”
Like “The Hardy Boys,” only without all the distracting homosexual subtext.
Outstanding. I love the typical “No need for that, sir. I know who forged the memos!” EB ending.
Funny! But the memos were fake, not forged. Somehow that matters…
You and your site rock like the kids on the short bus.
Encyclopedia Brown and The Case of the Misbegotten
Although reading Encyclopedia Brown jogged some old memories, I don’t recall Sally Kimball being this sultrily.
WTF!? Where is the pic spread of Sally Kimball? I was linked here by one of those porn blogs, now hit me with the Kimball pics!
New Encyclopedia Brown Story *On The Web*
I don’t remember having a crush on Sally when I read the books in grade school, but the Sally in this one makes me feel funny, you know, down there.
Bravo! This is me standing on a chair clapping!
So funny I voted as directed. Now what?
The Case of the Bangin’ Blogger
While I’m not endorsing the Gleeson Conglomerate for the 2004 Blog Awards (sorry…Boudicca has my vote…) I must say…this is one of the best blog entries evah! I was always a major Encyclopedia Brown fan….
Memorable. Quite a surprise. Better than most professional humor. I didn’t you war-lovin’, neo-cons had a sense of humor.
Thanks, Vic. And just to dispel your cognitive dissonance, let me assure you, I am a paleocon.
Wonderfully captures EB. Brings back memories.
Carnival of the Vanities #117
Welcome to the 117th Carnival of the Vanities! With the holiday shopping season in full swing, I’ll be taking you folks on a trip to the Carnival of the Vanities Mall to get your weekly ration of rich, bloggy goodnessTM….
Funny, but unoriginal. EB parodies going back to 2000, including political ones can be found here: http://www.modernhumorist.com/mh/by/eb/
Thanks. My first EB parody, “The Case of the Swiped Sprocket,” was published in the Eclectricity Gazette in 1988. That’s surely where Modern Humorist got the idea.