Saint Valentinus was a Christian in Rome, martyred in the third century. He is commemorated by the Church every February 14.

Saint Faustinus was a Christian in Rome, martyred (along with his brother, Jovita) in the second century. He is commemorated by the Church every February 15.

By a quirk of fate, the Feast of Saint Valentinus has become “Valentine’s Day,” a day specially consecrated to lovers. This evolution was not due to any particular fact, legend, or lore about the life of Valentinus. Rather, it arose from the conventional wisdom that birds choose their mates halfway through February.

At the Gleeson house, yesterday was “Faustine’s Day,” the day each year when I give Phoebe a Faustine card, asking her once again to be my Faustine, accompanied by Faustine chocolates, and sometimes a Faustine bouquet of roses. These and other appropriate Faustine’s Day gifts, such as stuffed animals and lingerie, are fortuitously marked way, way down on February 15.

This year’s Faustine card was in AABB verse:

Jesus, Joseph, and Virgin Mary
Bless you this 15th of February!
And especially Faustinus (Jovita, too)
Rain their love (and mine) on you!

With every breath, in every way,
I’m wishing you Happy Faustine’s Day!
Little candied yam of mine,
Won’t you be my dear Faustine?

I am pleased to report that her answer, this year as in previous ones, was in the affirmative.

A Mr. John Bair of the Tulsa World has sent a ’shut-up’ letter to Oklahoma blogger Michael Bates. Bair claims Bates is violating the World’s copyright by linking to his newspaper’s website without permission. No, really.

I don’t think the World is dumb enough to sue Bates, but I hope they are. I hope they take their groundless charges right to court. Then the World would be embarrassed, Bates would be vindicated, and he could recover his legal expenses — and punitive damages besides!

Say, never mind suing Bates. Sue me! Look, look, Mr. Bair, I’m linking to the Tulsa World without permission! Lest you think I’m bluffing, I’ll do it again! Don’t bother with the threatening letter; let’s see that subpoena.

Do y’all know Michael Fumento? Well, you should. Go meet him. He’s a truth peddler and deep thinker for the Hudson Institute in Washington, D.C. Fumento writes mostly about science and health issues, but my favorite thing he does is publish the voluminous hate mail he receives, along with his more or less cordial replies. And I literally mean ‘voluminous,’ inasmuch as there are currently 35 volumes of hate mail on his website.

Michael (I can call him Michael, but I advise you to stick with ‘Dr. Fumento,’ ’sir,’ or ‘Sergeant’) asked me to create some illustrations to ornament some of the funnier missives. This caricature of the sainted Dr. Robert Atkins is the first such illustration, and can be seen in Hate Mail, vol. 35. I plan to do more.

Oh, and if you disagree with anything Fumento writes, do feel free to submit your own hate mail. Don’t worry at all about any spelling and grammatical errors you may commit; Fumento will gladly fix them by inserting ‘[sic]‘ wherever needed. He’ll cheerfully correct your factual errors, too. (And there will be factual errors, or else you wouldn’t be disagreeing with Michael Fumento.)