(A conference room in Battle Creek, Michigan, 1928)

“Gentlemen, I have brought a delightful surprise with me to the meeting this morning. Humphrey, our research kitchen ombudsman, reports that Project Three has come to its successful fruition.”

“Project Three! You mean…”

“Yes, my boys. We have perfected a method of factoring breakfast cereal from… rice!”

“Rice! Good show, sir!”

“Wonderful news, sir!”

“It is nothing less than a revolution, sir!”

“Well, yes, quite. And I have brought the first batch of ‘Project Three Puffs’ for your examination. Go ahead, pass the carton around, have a taste.”

“Project Three Puffs, sir?”

“Just a preliminary name, obviously. One of our tasks at this meeting will be to create a more saleable…”

“Why, it’s delicious, sir!”

“Yes, sir, very sweet. Not too ricey at all, if you take my meaning.”

“Just so. We’ve found that an equal proportion of cane sugar to rice sufficiently masks the odd and foreign flavor of the… but there I go, all but dictating you the recipe! Would you have me list all the ingredients for you, Johnson?”

“No, sir, ha ha! The very thought! Please continue. Sir.”

“Very well. After tasting it myself, I ordered full production. In three weeks, Project Three Puffs will be in every store in America. Furthermore, I am assured that they are even more scrumptious after their immersion in milk. Hand me that milk, will you Thompson? And the bowl, yes. I shall pour the milk, thusly, and we shall all enjoy this… yes, Thompson, what is it? Is something wrong?”

“No. No, sir. I just thought I… um. Do you hear something, sir?”

“Hear something? What manner of something?”

“Thompson’s right, sir. I hear it, too. A sort of hissing.”

“No doubt it’s the lamps. Now who would like to take the first… wait, I hear it too. Only it’s not a hiss so much as, as a gurgle. A gurgling hiss. Where the devil is it coming from?”

“The lamps, sir?”

“I know what lamps sound like, you buffoon! No, the noise is.. great scott, it’s coming from the cereal!”

“From the cereal! Are you certain?”

“Listen for yourself! You see! Good Lord, what have I done? This is catastrophic!”

“Sir, couldn’t we just instruct the research kitchen to adjust the recipe? To get rid of the noise?”

“You fool, it’s too late for that! I can’t… oh, for the love of God, now it’s sputtering, too!”

“Are you sure it’s safe, sir?”

“I suggest you stand back, sir.”

“This is a nightmare! Listen to it hiss, gurgle, and squelch! How can we sell a cereal that sounds like… like…”

“Like a snake pit, sir?”

“Like stepping on beetles?”

“Right. Like stepping on beetles in a snake pit. In your stockings. It’s the most revolting noise yet invented by the device of man, and we want people to eat it for breakfast!”

“Sir?”

“And with the stockholders’ meeting on Monday, yet! It’s the ruination of all of us.”

“Sir…”

“Yes, what is it, man?”

“I have an idea.”