Here’s the thing about the 2008 race: the Democrats have a celebrity candidate, and the Republicans don’t.
To prove it, just turn to the person on your left and ask, “What do you think of Hillary as our next president?” I bet you got an answer, and it wasn’t “Hillary who?”
Now try it again, only this time, make it “Steve.” After a few seconds, reply to your respondent’s expression of uncomprehension with, “I mean Steve Forbes.” And then, when asked “and who is that?”, you’ll probably have to go look him up yourself. Or try it with Gary Bauer, or Mike Huckabee, or whoever else is running. Good men and true, maybe, but nowhere near the first-name headline league. (Arnold is a celebrity, but he can’t be president. I looked it up.)
Thus the Republican 2008 field is a dark galaxy, “an area in the universe containing a large amount of mass, but no stars.” Unlike Tina Turner in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, they do need another hero. And maybe, just maybe, they don’t need to look any further than she did.
So let us draft Mel. (See? Just “Mel,” and you know who I mean. Awesome!) And when I say “let us,” I mostly mean let this guy do it. James Welsh, an Oregon greengrocer, is spearheading the campaign. He’s bought 12 domain names, such as gibson2008.com, and he’s already picked up the endorsement of one prominent blogger. I mean me, I hereby endorse him. Run, Mel, Run!
UPDATE JULY 29, 2006: I hereby retract my endorsement.