Leo read the headlines with mounting disgust: “Study links crime, poverty, beer,” “Drunk driver kills family,” “Student dies from frat hazing,” “Beer blamed for jet crash,” “Lifting kegs bad for spine,” “Study links war, disease, beer.”

Angrily throwing the newspaper aside, Leo shouted, “The world would be so much nicer without beer! Why, I wish beer had never been invented!”

Just then, he heard a faint tinkling sound, like a wind chime. Or more like the canvas bag full of empty glass bottles being set down on his living room floor by the strange intruder. She had skin the color of pure malt sugar, and eyes the color of barley.

“Are you sure you want that, Leo?” she asked. Her gown was a diaphanous peignoir, woven from the finest hops. On her head rested a glittering tiara of suds. Her long amber hair had brown roots. Her shoes were sensible loafers. She was a bit zaftig, but not unattractive. She smiled, mischievously.

“Who…”

“Who am I, you are wondering,” she guessed. “I have been known by many names. The pyramid builders of Ur called me Ninkasi. The horse tamers of Vilnius named me Ragutiene. On AOL, I go by CrayzeeBubbles90210. I have come to grant your wish, Leo: a world without beer!”

“But…”

“But you are confused, and hungry. Go fix yourself a snack from the fridge.” Grinning, she nodded toward the kitchen.

“Hungry? No…”

“Hungry, yes! Look, go to your kitchen, okay? I’m going somewhere with this.”

Read the rest of this entry »

This morning, I e-mailed WKY-AM 930 talk show host Ron Black, asking for an apology for certain anti-Catholic slurs. He replied to my e-mail (twice!), and he replaced his online “Daily Rant,” which I quoted in its entirety in my last entry, with a new one at the same URL. (Apparently, the “Daily Rants” aren’t archived like a blog, just replaced periodically.)

Ron’s sorry for what he said, but he steadfastly refuses to apologize for what he meant to say, or something. From his new “Daily Rant”:

I will apologize for offending the sensitivities of well-intentioned, serious Catholics (and Protestants). I will also apologize for not explaining myself better. As is often the case when I write this rant, it is late/early in the morning and I need to do a better job of proof-reading. But that is where it ends.

While striking the pose of a stalwart defender, he then goes on to rephrase all of his previous accusations, so that they do not read as slurs against Catholics.

• He says his insults were meant to apply to particular Catholics he’s seen on television, not to all Catholics.
• He says that his charge that the Church does not care enough for the poor was meant to encompass Protestant churches as well.
• He says that any doctrinal disagreements are a personal matter where we should “agree to disagree.”

Ron, I do agree that you could have explained yourself better, because if that’s what you meant to say in the first place, you sure didn’t do it. I’ll take your word that it was a proofreading error, and trust that you intend to prevent any reoccurence of this sort of error. I accept your apology. Now get some sleep.

(Hat tip: Luke.)

[I sent this e-mail today to talk show host Ron Black, at ron@the400lbgorilla.com. I’ll let y’all know what response I get.]

Dear Ron:

I live and work in Oklahoma City, where your daily radio show is heard on news/talk station WKY-AM 930. You generally express opinions on politics and current events — and not, say, theology. Your opinions are often controversial — but usually not bigoted. This week, you crossed the line, and I would like you to apologize.

On Monday, April 4, you complained on the air about having to endure the “endless idolatry” of Catholics honoring a man they love who had died two days previously. The next day, April 5, you posted a written “Daily Rant” to your website that repeated and amplified this slur, and added a few others.

And now, all protestants are forced to endure endless idolatry, countless visages of veneration of a man who was, like you and I, a sinner saved by grace - but embraced the doctrine of a sinner saved by grace PLUS human potential.

So, just to be clear, you think that honoring a loved one who recently died is “idolatry.” Or maybe you think Catholicism is idolatry. Or maybe you don’t know what ‘idolatry’ means. Whatever the case, it is a filthy lie, and you should take this opportunity to correct your misstatement by apologizing on today’s show.

Your other lies were perhaps a tad less filthy, but equally ignorant. So you might wish to correct those, while you’re at it.

John Paul II was an advocate for the poor (but didn’t sell any of the art/gold/riches to meet their need).

Yeah, and Aaron should’ve traded that gaudy Ark of the Covenant for some hummus. Hey, Ron, why don’t you sell whatever church you go to instead, since it seems that it isn’t being put to good use?

But it is interesting how some Catholics in the media tend to portray themselves as the paragons of virtue, and at the same time, are the most conceited, self-absorbed narcissists you’ll ever meet.

Maybe so, Ron, but wouldn’t that criticism sound better coming from a humble virtuous person? Just thinking out loud here.

It is the doctrine of “human potential” where justification is concerned that chaps my hide.

I’m pretty read-up on my Catechism, and I never even heard of the “doctrine of human potential.” I thought: does Ron Black know something I don’t? I Googled “doctrine of human potential” and got four results. Two of them are from some silly role-playing game; maybe that’s where you learned it. Or just maybe you have no idea what you’re talking about. (The other two were from Protestant churches.)

I cannot embrace some Catholic doctrine that says man is responsible in any way for his personal salvation. To oversimplify, if that were the case, Christ need not have died - we could just work ourselves into the Father’s arms.

Yeah, I reckon that’s why St. Paul told us Catholics to “work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.” He wasn’t talking to you, evidently. I can’t say as I blame him.

So, Ron, all kidding aside, do you think we could have an apology? On the air? And also on your website? That would be great. Or if I’m asking the wrong guy, to whom should I be talking? Would it be better to contact your WKY-AM programming director Dax Davis*, at (405) 848-0100? Please advise me on this matter.

Regards:

-Sean Gleeson
sean@gleeson.us
http://blog.gleeson.us/

UPDATE: Originally, I had the name of a previous WKY programming director. I have corrected it in this post, just so readers don’t blame the wrong guy.