BETHESDA, MD — Controversial Supreme Court Chief Justice nominee John G. Roberts rocked this sleepy Washington suburb yesterday, with an astonishing admission to an undisclosed number of “sins.”

The embattled Roberts, whom President Bush has described as “a man of integrity,” delivered this startling public confession in the Church of the Little Flower, during the 7:30 a.m. Sunday service, according to witnesses.

“I was sitting right behind him, I heard him clear as a bell,” said one churchgoer, referring to the ultraconservative judge. “We were about five minutes into Mass, when Monsignor Vaghi [the pastor of the church], he says, ‘Let us call to mind our sins,’ or something. That’s when it happened.”

According to witnesses, Roberts confessed “to Almighty God, and to you, my brothers and sisters, that I have sinned through my own fault.” He went on to explain that these “sins” were of many sorts: “in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done, and in what I have failed to do.” He then remorsefully begged for forgiveness, beseeching “blessed Mary, ever virgin, all the angels and saints, and you, my brothers and sisters, to pray for me to the Lord, our God.”

After the astonishing confession, Mass continued as normal.

“Sins” are deliberate wrongdoings or transgressions of law, according to linguistic experts, and can include such crimes as murder, theft, adultery, lying, rape, and bigotry.

Reacting quickly, Sen. Patrick Leahy (D-VT) and other moderates vowed to make Roberts’s bombshell confession an issue in the archconservative nominee’s confirmation hearings, scheduled to begin tomorrow.

“Of course we’ve got to find out just what these ’sins’ of his are, ” said Leahy. “We’re preparing a list of a few thousand sins, and we’re going to go down the list and ask him which ones he’s committed.”

“If he says no to all of them, then we’ll know he’s lying,” added Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-NY).

[Note: need some quote from supporter — ed.]

The president could not be reached immediately for comment, but some experts feel that he should withdraw the divisive nomination in light of Roberts’s admission of guilt.