[Pundit and National Review founder William Buckley turns 80 next week. I wanted to mark the event by linking to “The Greatest Story Ever Told,” an hilarious satirical biography of the elder statesman written by David Brooks while still an undergraduate at the University of Chicago.

There have been many parodies of Buckley attempted, but this one was Buckley’s own favorite. When he arrived at Chicago to give a lecture, he asked if Brooks was in the audience — he wanted to offer him a job. But I’m afraid I can’t link to it, because the text of this parody is not online anywhere! So instead of linking, I am quoting. The following column was published April 5, 1983, in the University of Chicago Maroon, whose editor has graciously given me permission to post it here.]

The Greatest Story Ever Told
by David Brooks

William Freemarket Buckley was born on December 25, 1935 in a little town called Bethlehem. He was baptized an Episcopalian on December 28 and admitted to Yale University on the 30th.

Buckley spent most of his infancy working on his memoirs. By the time he had learned how to talk he had finished three volumes: The World Before Buckley, which traced the history of the world prior to his conception; The Seeds of Utopia, which outlined his effect on world events during the nine months of his gestation; and The Glorious Dawn, which described the profound ramifications of his birth on the social order.

Buckley attended nursery school at the School of Soft Knocks, majoring in Art History. His thesis, “A Comparison of Michelangelo’s David and My Own Mirror” won the Arthur C. Clarke award for Precocious Criticism and brought him to the attention of world luminaries.
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