Have you been following the “mock trial” of George Bush at Parsippany High School in New Jersey?

I haven’t. I’ve never participated in a “mock trial,” and I must confess that I just don’t get the whole concept. At a real trial, you have real witnesses: people who really saw, or heard, some pertinent evidence to the case. They may try to lie about what they saw, but they are thoroughly examined during the trial to gauge their reliability.

However, at a mock trial, you have mock witnesses, right? People pretending to have witnessed something. How the heck do you cross-examine a pretend witness? If I were an attorney at a mock trial, I think I would have a lot of fun.

WITNESS: …and then he beat me with a Koran.

SEAN: The president did?

WITNESS: Yes.

SEAN: In Abu Ghraib prison?

WITNESS: Yes, that’s right.

SEAN: I see. But isn’t it a fact that you are really participating in a so-called “mock trial” at this time?

WITNESS: Um,…

SEAN: And that you are a high school student who has never been to Abu Ghraib prison?

WITNESS: Yeah, but this is…

OTHER LAWYER: Objection!

SEAN: That you are in fact simply making all of this up and lying to this court?

WITNESS: But this is a…

OTHER LAWYER: Objection! Counsel is not allowed to question the witness about his status as a particpant in a mock trial!

SEAN: I merely wish to establish that the witness is lying, your honor.

Maybe that’s why nobody ever invited me to participate in a mock trial.