So sorry, I just don’t have any time to write a post tonight. Tell you what, I’ll write two tomorrow. I know just what they’ll be, too.

I was already writing a blockbuster post, unearthing new evidence that will turn the whole evolution vs. creation debate on its head! I’ll finish that one sometime tomorrow. But while I was in the middle of writing it, I got a phone call from Nate Noy! Yeah, that Nate Noy, the opponent and complainant against Congresswoman Jean Schmidt, and the source of the “fake marathon photo” allegation.

We talked for about 40 minutes, Nate and I, and spoke of many things. Noy e-mailed me some documents, too. As a result, I have some astonishing new revelations which will take a little time to double-check and collate. Astonishingly, this astonishing information may astonish you, so check back tomorrow.

UPDATE: See, here are two posts: Nate Noy not nuts, and Noy sock puppet confession. They are astonishing. I’ll just have to post the astonishing evolution thing tomorrow.

UPDATE AGAIN: I warned you. Darwin proven wrong by Oklahoma blogger.

MORE RETOUCHING AT CBS?

John Mark Karr may be perfectly positioned to take the lead in the contest for the 2008 Democratic nomination for president. It might sound unlikely at first, but just consider the qualities he shares with these current and former Democratic heroes.

Karr recounted a vivid Christmas-Eve memory that never happened, like John Kerry.

He boasts about loving children, while plotting to harm them, like Hillary Clinton.

Also consider these other factors supporting Karr’s candidacy.

Karr is a teacher, and a member of the trangendered community, two core Democratic constituencies.

In 2008, the Superbowl will be played in Arizona. Every time the Superbowl has occurred in a year divisible by four, the Democratic nominee has been a sociopath.

Coincidence? Maybe. But this pundit isn’t too sure. Your comments are requested.

There will be no charges filed against John Mark Karr, because the samples taken on the victim do not match his DNA. Even his own confession is not enough evidence to prosecute him. This is all to the good, as the purpose of our justice system is not to find someone to convict; it’s to find the guy who really did it, and Karr didn’t do it. The Boulder County District Attorney made the right call.

Meanwhile, the three Duke lacrosse players are still charged with raping a stripper, with no DNA match, and in fact no evidence at all. I suppose the Durham County District Attorney prefers to let his cases fall apart in court.

UPDATE: Putting on my pundit hat (it’s a trilby), I uncover Seven Reasons John Mark Karr Could Be the 2008 Democratic Front-Runner.

David Corn (who has referred to himself as the “token liberal” of Pajamas Media, the sacred brotherhood of which I am a member) has solved the whole Valerie Plame scandal once and for all. In his new book, Corn conclusively proved that Richard Armitage was the man who “leaked” Plame’s “covert” identity to the press. The “guilt” of Armitage (and I put the word in sneer quotes because he broke no law) finally clears the president, and everyone else in the White House, of even the slightest charge of wrongdoing.

Of course, that’s not the conclusion Corn wishes to reach. He still says the White House is “involved,” because they later “confirmed” Plame’s identity… after her identity was all over the news! But that’s just because David Corn is a moonbat. (What was Bush supposed to do, David, lie?) The real news is that Bush and Rove and the rest are innocent as lambs, and we can thank our token liberal for that scoop.

Speaking of the P.J. brotherhood, we wish Mr. Glenn Reynolds many happy returns on his birthday. (Which reminds me, my own 40th birthday is in three days. I hope I get some kind of cake, with fresh strawberries shaped like a cheeseburger.)

Michelle Malkin sure confused me today. Her post was about how Peter Hartlaub, a San Francisco Chronicle reporter, wrote a story about a horse at the local zoo named “Coulter.” He wittily juxtaposed the horse’s photograph with a picture of columnist Ann Coulter, and recounted all the ways Coulter the columnist resembled Coulter the horse. “LOL like the horse’s name is Coulter like Ann Coulter LOL She’s like a horse that’s funny because I’m a liberal,” he wrote, or words to that effect.

Anyway, I was confused, because when Michelle said “Peter Hartlaub” wrote this story, at first I thought she was talking about my pet toad, who is also named Peter Hartlaub. LOL.

UPDATE: I have apologized to Peter Hartlaub for this post, and he has very graciously accepted my apology.

UPDATE: I also fed him some mashed-up earthworms. Those are his favorite.