As a smith of words, I take my craft seriously. Language is the toolbox of communication, and if the tools are misused, the job is botched. The readers of my blog should know that every sentence under my byline is constructed with sensitivity and care, and this care certainly encompasses punctuation.

I do prefer, though I cannot insist, that commenters using this venue take a similar interest in composing the remarks they wish me to publish here. To aid them as they strive for clarity, I would like to explain the proper use of the Cabalistic Hyphen.

THE CABALISTIC HYPHEN

The Cabalistic Hyphen is used to form a compound proper noun, or often an adjective, from a string of up to twelve surnames, thereby lumping the named individuals into a singular ad hoc evil entity.

CORRECT (compound noun): A vote for Lieberman is a vote for Bush-Rove-Rumsfeld-Coulter-Cheney-Blair-Gleeson!

CORRECT (compound adjective): It is now indisputable that Hurricane Katrina was caused by the Rove-Lieberman-Bush-Hitler-Coulter-Cheney-Gleeson-Blair-Olmert-Limbaugh secret war on gender equity!

Please note that only the hyphen has the power to synthesize individual persons into a single scheming monstrosity. Many a blogger has made the fatal error of misusing the virgule, or “slash,” in place of the Cabalistic Hyphen.

INCORRECT: Glenn Reynolds is a shill for the Cheney/Rove/Bush/Gleeson/Hitler/Lieberman regime!

The problem here, of course, is that the virgule does not combine; it divides. A virgule always means ‘or,’ and should never be used where the word ‘or’ could not be used in its place. Use of a virgule denotes that the conspiracy only involves one of the named individuals, and the rest are innocent as lambs, which cannot be the writer’s intention.

For the sake of parallelism, surnames should only be compounded with other surnames, and not with first names, full names, nicknames, or names of organizations or hurricanes. Any reference to a “Vatican-Rush-Karl-Rove-Illuminati-Sean-Katrina-GOP-Chimpy-Halliburton” cabal would only confuse the reader, and the meaning would be lost, if there was any to lose.

Finally, only recognizable names should be joined by the Cabalistic Hyphen. ‘Bush,’ ‘Rove,’ ‘Gleeson,’ ‘Hitler,’ and other such notorious examples are acceptable. To include an individual who is not well known (e.g., ‘Ardolino’) or one with a common surname (e.g., ‘Johnson’) would only foster ambiguity. On first reference, such individuals must be implicated in the cabal separately, as in: “The Lieberman-Cheney-Rumsfeld axis, which also includes Charles Johnson and a shadowy figure named Bill Ardolino, has lied to us from the beginning!” On second through fiftieth references, their surnames may be hyphenated with the rest.